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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

So, Sh*t hit the fan...

So a couple of weeks ago I finally decided to tell my sister I was pregnant, I figured she'd had enough time to grieve (6-7 months) and I thought she might be happy for me, since I'd been TTC for over 8 years.

I called her up the day before I was scheduled for my anatomy scan, thinking that if all went well and she was happy for me, she'd like to come. Turns out she had to go check on a construction site in another state (she's an architect) and wouldn't be in town. So I broke down and fessed up. She immediately got very cold towards me and said something like "I am happy for you, God bless you and your child. Bye".

So I went on and told her how I was really surprised to have finally conceived since it was my last try (I had decided the monthly heartache was too much) and really wasn't expecting it. She asked me how far along I was, so I told her (13 weeks) and then she asked if our mom and aunt knew, so I answered in the affirmative.

She then proceeded to berate me, saying I never thought about anyone but myself, how I was selfish, how I knew she didn't want anything to do with pregnancies and/or babies and how I had shoved this in her face knowing her grief. She told me to forget I ever had a sister and that I was dead to her, and to never, ever contact her again. I reminded her that she knew I was trying and was fine with me doing so, and that I was surprised at her reaction. She responded that I had reacted in the same way when she told us and that I shouldn't be surprised at her reaction. I reminded her then of how my personal grief had only lasted about 30 mins and then I was fine, and that I had never even suggested that I wanted nothing to do with her, unlike the way she was acting.

This back and forth went on for at least a half hour, after which she hung up on me and then called back just to yell at me some more, then hung up on me again.

I later found out she contacted our mother and aunt and told them they were dead to her as well, since they hadn't shared my news with her before I did, and that they shouldn't ever expect anything from her ever again (not that she'd ever done anything for either anyway). I also later found out that this reaction was only reserved for my mother, my aunt, and myself. The other sister and relatives who also already knew have not been "disowned", but then she needs these people for different reasons.

I have waited patiently for 2 weeks for her to get in touch, to no avail. I am pretty much ready to write her off myself, for various reasons. She had NO sympathy whatsoever for me when she was the one that was pregnant and I was the one suffering, to the extent of telling me (when I asked her if I could be my niece's godmother since it was probably the closest I was going to come to being a mother), that I "wasn't catholic enough". This coming from someone having a baby out of wedlock.

Anyway. I am still sort of torn between being angry at her, being very hurt, very disappointed and just sort of... ok with the whole thing, although that may sound weird. My sister is not the bright, optimistic, loving little girl I remember her to be, and we haven't seen eye to eye since she was around 15. She's changed too much. And I am not sure she'd be a positive influence for my child anyway.

Ok so I guess all this is to ask for opinions. Should I just write her off? Should I keep waiting for her to come around? Should I try to reach out to her later? I am torn as to what to do, and I'd really appreciate some input.

I guess I've vented. I'll end this now, but hopefully you'll give me your 2 cents.