Weirdness

Ok, seems like life is throwing another curveball my way, and I don't know if to feel relieved or sad about it.

As you may well know, if you follow me through some boards or from FF, I haven't had my period in well over 2 months. And the last period I had was very atypical, if you can even call it a period since it was so light.

I had really started believing I might just be pregnant... First, because my last period only lasted 4 or so days, and because I had never had such a light period in my life. Even the "mid" flow days were leaning heavily towards light. Secondly, because I have always been extremely regular, even if sometimes my system got sort of wonked out, I still had my period approximately every 30 days.

So I started thinking I might be pregnant. And I went on vacations thinking I might be. This worried me to no end for 3 reasons.

1. After my last (weird) period, I got a really bad stomach infection which caused very high fevers and I was prescribed antibiotics for it. I didn't mention pregnancy as a possibility to my doctor because at the time I firmly believed I wasn't. I took 2 separate courses of antibiotics when I might have been 3 weeks pregnant.

2. After I got rid of the stomach bug, and a weekend during which I felt cramping that felt distinctly like I was about to get my period, I got really depressed. Very much so. It just so happened that my friends organized a party and while there I decided to get completely zonked. I drank more than I care to remember, and I smoked a whole lot of cigarrettes.

3. I don't handle disappointment very well, and when I kept getting negative HPTs as well as negative OPKs about 30 days after my last period, I got discouraged and stopped taking my prenatals. This includes the folic acid.

So, there you have it. As much as I want to be pregnant, I was scared to death that I might be because not only had I gotten very very drunk, but I had also taken two courses of antibiotics and also stopped taking my vitamins.

But then, it would be very much in tune with the Catch-22 that seems to be my life. As if everything around me is dictated by Murphy's law. At the beginning of this week I made up my mind to go to my doctor to get a blood test, and if necessary, to get an u/s.

On Thursday this week, I started spotting.

It was light enough that I thought I might still be pregnant if I ever had been, but it made me start to wonder if it might just not be my period after all this time.

Friday the spotting was gone.

Then some time between yday and today, after a very refreshing nap, it turned bright red.

It seems I have finally gotten my period.

I can only say, I'm sort of sad that I didn't turn out to be pregnant, but I am very relieved. Very much so. I would have hated myself eternally had I had a child that was harmed in any way through my actions, or lack of them. I guess this was my body's way of teaching me I should never let my guard down, even when I think things aren't working the way I want them to, and that I should always make healthy choices, regardless of whether I'm pregnant or not, because one day another human being is going to be dependent on me and I need to be healthy and there for him/her.

Sometimes life just has a weird way of teaching us lessons. And getting us out of the gutter called depression with a swift slap to knock us back into our senses.

Onwards I go.

MIA

So...

I have been gone quite a while. To tell you the truth, at first it was because I was really disappointed in getting a BFN, and then because I was just too anxious trying to catch my surge (which by the way, apparently never came. I'm not even sure I'm really "DPO" because I took those last temps after only 2.5 hrs of sleep)

Then, I didn't blog because I was just too ticked off over not catching my surge and rather upset that I was heading for a very very long cycle. I have never had a cycle this long, it is SO upsetting. The longest cycle I had ever had in my LIFE before these last 2 has been 32 days. And that was LONG! Mine were usually ever 28-30 days, TOPS.

And then although I still haven't got my period, I thought I might blog, but something else happened... While I was working Sunday night, taking care of some last-minute details, a huge deluge started falling, and the area where I work totally flooded! A water canal nearby had brimmed over (is that even right...? oh well) and had flooded the area where I work. Water on the streets was at waist level, and although the building in which I work is elevated off the ground floor, the parking lot still got flooded quite a bit, higher than my knees... Which meant my poor VW bug was flooded too... Inside as well... And since it just so happens to be a fuel injection car, the computer got wet and it's busted. So on top of having to do a full oil and filter change, have the injectors washed, the spark plugs cleaned and the computer dried out, it's still not working. And I need 150 dlls that I DONT have to repair it. I have no one to turn to, have no money, no car, and I'm at my wit's end.

So yeah... This hasn't been my day... My week... My month... My year... Heck, I could go on, but what's the point? Things just don't seem to be falling into place for me. Such is life.

I'm out...

AF started semi-normally today. I'm bummed, to say the least.

I just hope I get a regular AF today and that I can try this cycle. And maybe... Just maybe... This one will stick?

Keeping my fingers crossed.

15DPO

Still waiting, but I've started spotting. Since yesterday. Some bright red spotting, but not enough to cover even one pantyliner, even since yesterday.

HPTs are still negative.

11DPO

BFN

I am going to test again on monday and then on the 15th... I'm trying not to get too down, but i'm sort of guessing that's all that it's going to be this cycle...

Oh well...

Quick post

Before going to work...

I'm in the TWW!!!

CD19

And still no positive OPK. I know I'm testing right (holding urine for at least 4 hrs, not drinking any liquids beforehand) and I've been testing since CD8, so I know I can't have surged yet. Plus, FF hasn't detected ovulation yet, so I'm pretty sure it hasn't happened.

Has anyone had really late ovulation? My cycles are usually regular (with the exception of that AF episode back in January) and they last 30-31 days. I have been thinking maybe I have been stressing too much over getting a positive, but it could also be that I took estrogen during CD2-CD12. Does anyone know anything about this?

I could really use any help whatsoever. At all. Please.

Should I keep testing? I'm afraid I won't even get AF since I should have O'd by now. I'm starting to wonder if I -WILL- O, and if I have O'd at all for the past few months (years?).

I'm just starting to get really antsy. Help.

My chart is this one, please tell me what you think:

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/erikagm