Disclosure

One of the women in the blogs that I follow just decided to "come out" (i.e. start full identity disclosure on her blog)... This got me thinking about why I don't do the same... And I guess it's a good time to explain myself, in case anyone is wondering...

Initially, it was because my family didn't know I was going to start TTC. I didn't want them to know, at all, until I was well into pregnancy, lest their opinions (which I was sure wouldn't be positive) affect my emotional state during my early months (which I've heard is very important health-wise for fetuses).

Later, when I realized I wasn't going to have an easy time getting pregnant, and I decided to start telling family, I decided since my identity was already anonymous I may as well use it ocassionally to vent about my work. I figured since I already had the blog, may as well use it, and it was important to me to remain anonymous since I didn't want to get "dooced".

All of my family and friends already knew about me being gay, and me trying to get pregnant, so now it was about my work not finding out I was being "pissy".

Full disclosure? I used to work for a company called TeleTech, a "call center", so to speak, and they're generally very good, I just had really big asses as bosses, yet they shall remain unnamed to protect the poor souls that still work there!

Now, now it's a pain... I moved in order to be closer to family and to see if I could find a job outside the corporate environment, since it had become a stress factor and very toxic for my health. I moved to a very small town closer to my hometown, and got a job as an English Teacher at a private Jesuit school.

So far as I know, they don't know I'm gay, a fact that I'm sure they'd find very disturbing and which may lead me not to get a contract renewal. Here in Mexico it's still something you don't talk about, something said in hushed, whispered conversations, usually in a critical and judgemental manner. More so in an environment where, although the school staff might not mind it, there are some VERY conservative parents who might not agree with it, and who might cause me to lose my job. Of course, the school couldn't directly attribute it to that, but if my classroom were to lose half its student body, they might claim I'm an unfit or incompetent teacher and that it was the academical level which caused me to lose that many students. There are always ways around the reasons they use to fire you.

So anyway, I just wanted to explain why I choose to remain anonymous in such a public (yet private) media. However, if anyone wishes to know who I really am, I'd be more than glad to share more with anybody on a case-by-case basis! :)

Shocked...

Got home today to find out that Brittany Murphy has died. She was only 8 days older than me, for crying out loud...

She was so talented, she made many of us laugh and cry, and now she won't be able to ever again. These kinds of deaths shock me so much because they make me think about how none of us can definitely say we have more time to do stuff, so we should make the most of our lives while we still have them.

These types of events make me realize how much I haven't accomplished yet (like having a kid, something she will now never be able to do, despite mentioning just a few days ago that she wanted to try for one this coming year) and that I better hurry up and do them before it's too late.

Because none of us know how much longer we will be here. We may think we have our whole lives ahead of us, but we really don't. The only things we have for sure are the here and the now...

Left-hand side this time...

Ok so now I have a twinge on the left side this time. I'm sorry if everyone is like "What? We waited for a post to read THIS? What do -I- care?"

But I could find no other place where I could document something like this where it wouldn't be lost and I could access it anytime, anywhere pretty much...

So I was in Tucson a couple of weeks ago. I was there for 3 weeks almost. I was visiting my sister C, whom I love dearly. I hadn't seen her in about 4 years being that she lives in the US and I in Mexico, so I learned while staying with her that she had gone as organic and natural as she possibly could (Bear with me, this is going somewhere).

While I was there, I started spotting. It lasted a little over a week, then I got my period. A heavy period, the likes of which I hadn't seen in a while. I started getting concerned when after a week, it still hadn't stopped. My sister said to let my body be, that it would work itself out. I decided to listen to her since apparently she has PCOS as well so she knows a little of where I'm coming from, and she has a GORGEOUS 5 yr old, S, and who was born AFTER her diagnosis, so I tend to think she knows what she's talking about. She basically said I should give my body a chance to work itself out unless it got serious enough to require medical intervention. Being that I trust her, and I don't have insurance in the US so I couldn't afford to see a doctor in the USA, I gave it a try...

Lo and behold, a few days after that my period stopped on its own. No hormones, no medicines, nothing, just stopped by itself.

And now this twinge on my left side, when last month it was the right. And at just about the right time. Ok, so maybe a little messed up, but it's in the approximate time period based on when my period ended. I know that's not the right way to calculate it, but let me assume this will be an extra-long cycle, ok? LOL

So anyway. Maybe all of this, me getting fired, going to visit my sister, her having gone through the same thing, giving me advice, being unable to do anything but follow it, and then having it work out as it should, maybe this was all a Godsend. Maybe I got fired because I was SUPPOSED to visit my sister, SUPPOSED to get her advice, SUPPOSED to be unable to go to a doc so I had to follow it, SUPPOSED to now get this twinge... Maybe it was all God's doing... And my body is finally getting back on track thanks to me following nature's, God's will...

Maybe...

To anyone who still reads this blog...

I dont think I´ve experienced this before... How does ovulation feel like? Does it feel like you might have pulled a muscle, but not as strong? I am getting this pain right on top of my pubic bone toward the side... Like... Maybe 3 inches to the right of my belly button...

I hate not knowing what´s up with my body...

Fired...

But I think it might be the best thing that´s ever happened to me! Maybe this truly is a blessing in disguise...

1st week

Well, I got through the first week. I think I met all the goals they set for me except not staying overtime. I had to stay a couple of extra hours a few days, but I finished EVERYTHING and I don´t have to make up anything this weekend.

Hopefully they´ll see that as the true progress it is, and recognize it.

I´m keeping my fingers crossed

I think I´m getting fired...

Yeah. I don´t even know what to say.

I just got notice at my work that I "have been below standard". Apparently, they don´t like me working extra hours to meet my goals despite the fact that I´M NOT GETTING PAID FOR THEM.

Also, they say I´m not positive and don´t make any proposals for improvement. Well, in the same notice I listed 7 different proposals and actions I´ve taken in the past 2 weeks, so that was shot down...

The "positivity"... Granted, I used to have a terrible attitude, but I think this is more a case of having earned a reputation and being unable to shake it off... I used to be really really bad, negative as hell, but I´ve worked VERY hard on improving it, and I have. Everyone´s commented on it, all the feedbacks I´ve received have made an emphasis on that.

So what is happening? Well, it´s one of those cases where you make certain people look bad and they take any opportunity they can get to get back at you. I´ve been meeting all my goals and have even received awards these past 6 months marking that I´ve been a good employee.

I just don´t know what to do. With Mexican law being how it is, I don´t know if I´ve got a leg to stand on...

I´m going to do everything I can to get through this, try to meet any expectations they have, make absolutely no waves and bust my ass so that I don´t have to work overtime anymore... But honestly?

I´ve never met anyone that´s survived an "Improvement plan" in my company... And that´s very discouraging...