Here's my ticker!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Yes, I sold out

If you noticed the changes, you know what I mean. Please don't get on my case about it. You know what they're there for, and why, if you've read previous posts.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Well...

EDIT:
Thanks to all you commenters. It really helps to know that there are other people that understand what I'm going through. I talk to people here and they just don't understand. The people I know that have problems with their cycles don't want to have children anyway, or really just don't care, and the rest of them just have children whenever they feel like it. Even when they don't really want them. It's just not fair.

Jody:
I didn't mean to say that in the USA you had it easier. Quite the contrary, you guys have it much harder. With the government run practice here, as long as you're working, you're covered, no matter what preexisting conditions you may have. The law is written that way. But the private practice is so much quicker than the government one, and it's just frustrating that I have to wait two months or maybe more to get results I could get in a private clinic in less than a week. I am frustrated because if only I could afford it, I could get results (and better care) so much quicker if I went the private route. I didn't mean to say you guys had it any better.

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I hadn't been much in the mood to post, but I finally decided I had left you up in the air for too long, so here goes.

I went to the doctor on Friday to figure out what the heck my tests revealed, and (why am I not surprised?) he had only done regular, run-of-the-mill tests on me which told us nothing. He had done a regular checkup on my blood cells (everything normal), urea and creatinine (normal), cholesterol levels (normal), coagulation time and stuff (normal) and URINE pregnancy test (negative).

What pisses me off the most is I had told him I had already done the pee sticks several times and they came back as negative. It blows my mind that he couldn't be bothered to at least consider a BLOOD pregnancy test. Heck, they took enough vials (4).

Anyway, so he didn't run any of the hormonal tests which I thought he would. When I asked him why, he said "Because we're not authorized to use the specialized lab that runs them, I have to refer you to nuclear medicine and the gynecologist".

Ok, I thought. Refer me to the gynecologist. So I told him to.

I have an appointment this coming Friday to, get this: -pick up the date on which I'm allowed to go see the gynecologist-.

NOW DO YOU SEE WHY I HATE THE GOVERNMENT RUN PRACTICE???

See, medicine here is not like in the USA (I don't know about the rest of the world).

If you go to a private practice doc here, the LATEST they will fit you in is maybe a week after. You're paying, after all. With the government practice, I'll be lucky if I get to see the gynecologist before next month.

WHY CAN'T I AFFORD A PRIVATE DOC???

Ugh.

So yeah, I don't know what hormonal problems I might have (or if I have them at all and this is just a fluke of nature), and I won't know until gawd knows when.

I am sorely tempted to go to a private practice and get the tests run myself, but
a) I can't afford it, and
b) I can't afford to go to a private gyn afterwards and pay for whatever medicines they prescribe,
So I'm stuck with the government practice.

Heck, I may as well stick it out, since they have been collecting the monthly fees from my paycheck for, oh, I dunno, 10 YEARS???!!! And I have only used them, and for things like colds and sprained ankles maybe twice a year. It was high time I used them for something actually worth all the damn money they collect.

Anyway, so yeah, I'm frustrated, but I guess it could be worse.

UGH!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Doctor

So I went to the doctor today and based on a previous consult with a private doctor (versus the government sponsored one I saw today), he says my problem is most likely hormonal. Great. Just what I need. Hormone problems while TTC, even after 6 months of taking hormone replacement therapy. Wonderful.

Going to this doctor is a hell in its own right, by the way. I had to be at the office at 20 to 7, and I didn't get to see the doc until after 10:30. It's a first come, first serve kind of deal, and it's up to the gills every day. And they only see a certain number of patients based on the consult you're assigned to (morning or afternoon). If you come in after X amount of patients have already signed up, you get sent back and told to come another day.

Anyway, as I said, the doc agreed it was likely a hormonal thing and wrote me up a lab request for several different tests. I am being tested for pretty much everything on this earth, including blood type (which I had already told the doc, but he preferred to re-test it) and pregnancy test.

Yup. He thinks I might be preggo. Because my period after the IUI was so light. Because I haven't had a period in over 2 months. Because I am gaining weight (which I really shouldn't be doing unless I truly am pregnant).

Soooo

I get the labs done tomorrow, and I get the results on friday. Wish me luck, and please pray for me that it's something trivial and that I'll be fine, and that if I'm not preggo yet, that it's something that won't prevent me from becoming pregnant...

Sunday, September 21, 2008

False alarm...?!

So I woke up today to a clean tampon. I'm beginning to think this is another sick little joke my body (and life) are playing on me. I will go to the doctor next week to figure it out in case I don't get my full blown period in the next couple of days.

*sigh*

Oh well.

Weirdness

Ok, seems like life is throwing another curveball my way, and I don't know if to feel relieved or sad about it.

As you may well know, if you follow me through some boards or from FF, I haven't had my period in well over 2 months. And the last period I had was very atypical, if you can even call it a period since it was so light.

I had really started believing I might just be pregnant... First, because my last period only lasted 4 or so days, and because I had never had such a light period in my life. Even the "mid" flow days were leaning heavily towards light. Secondly, because I have always been extremely regular, even if sometimes my system got sort of wonked out, I still had my period approximately every 30 days.

So I started thinking I might be pregnant. And I went on vacations thinking I might be. This worried me to no end for 3 reasons.

1. After my last (weird) period, I got a really bad stomach infection which caused very high fevers and I was prescribed antibiotics for it. I didn't mention pregnancy as a possibility to my doctor because at the time I firmly believed I wasn't. I took 2 separate courses of antibiotics when I might have been 3 weeks pregnant.

2. After I got rid of the stomach bug, and a weekend during which I felt cramping that felt distinctly like I was about to get my period, I got really depressed. Very much so. It just so happened that my friends organized a party and while there I decided to get completely zonked. I drank more than I care to remember, and I smoked a whole lot of cigarrettes.

3. I don't handle disappointment very well, and when I kept getting negative HPTs as well as negative OPKs about 30 days after my last period, I got discouraged and stopped taking my prenatals. This includes the folic acid.

So, there you have it. As much as I want to be pregnant, I was scared to death that I might be because not only had I gotten very very drunk, but I had also taken two courses of antibiotics and also stopped taking my vitamins.

But then, it would be very much in tune with the Catch-22 that seems to be my life. As if everything around me is dictated by Murphy's law. At the beginning of this week I made up my mind to go to my doctor to get a blood test, and if necessary, to get an u/s.

On Thursday this week, I started spotting.

It was light enough that I thought I might still be pregnant if I ever had been, but it made me start to wonder if it might just not be my period after all this time.

Friday the spotting was gone.

Then some time between yday and today, after a very refreshing nap, it turned bright red.

It seems I have finally gotten my period.

I can only say, I'm sort of sad that I didn't turn out to be pregnant, but I am very relieved. Very much so. I would have hated myself eternally had I had a child that was harmed in any way through my actions, or lack of them. I guess this was my body's way of teaching me I should never let my guard down, even when I think things aren't working the way I want them to, and that I should always make healthy choices, regardless of whether I'm pregnant or not, because one day another human being is going to be dependent on me and I need to be healthy and there for him/her.

Sometimes life just has a weird way of teaching us lessons. And getting us out of the gutter called depression with a swift slap to knock us back into our senses.

Onwards I go.